The Daily ReTORt

My photo
I'm no longer posting here. Visit my new blog -> WWW.THEDAILYRETORT.COM

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

3 Tips When Considering a Face Tattoo

Hip Hop Star Gucci Mane's
head-scratching face tattoo
I'm no stylist to the stars or savvy metro-sexual maven, but here's my top recommendation regarding your appearance to ensure your best chance at getting a job.

Do NOT get a tattoo on your face!!

Call me old fashioned, but nothing says "unhirable" quite like permanent ink above the shoulders. [see photo insert of hip hopster Gucci Mane's triple scoop ice cream cone with lightening bolt accents.]

This little rant of mine was sparked by my commute home this past Friday afternoon, when I was waiting in traffic near a bus stop. At that stop, was a 20-something young man waiting for the next metro bus. When he turned his head I could see a tattoo trail of red drops from the outside corner of his eye that "dripped" down his cheek into a red heart that had to be an inch square on his jaw.

That design might have looked cool when he drew it on the cover of a TrapperKeeper in art class, but it looked absolutely ridiculous on his face. My first thought was, "I would never hire that kid if he came to me looking for a job."

I thought about my snap judgment for the remainder of my commute and I still stick by it. While the young man did not say a word, the ink etching on his face spoke volumes about his decision making ability - or inability.

I'm not against tattoos, in fact many members of my extended family have them, but please don't flaunt your ignorance when you get one by creating an indelible logo to your own stupidity on your face.

But if you insist on living a marginalized life on the fringe of economic survival, here are three tips to consider when getting a face tattoo:

1. Subject Matter - if you want gainful employment, the only acceptable face tattoo would be a mole. I'm not talking about a drawing of a subterranean rodent but of a non-obtrusive circular birthmark - preferably located above your upper lip ala Cindy Crawford.

2. Size - you can get anything drawn on your face, just so long as it is no larger than 1/8" of an inch in diameter. Potential bosses are accepting of naturally occurring blemishes (consider Mikhail Gorbachev), but not 8" inch ice cream cones across the cheekbone. Ben and Jerry's would give Mr. Mane the cold shoulder if he applied for a dipper job.

3. Career in Clownology - if you disregard my suggestions regarding the size and subject matter of your face tattoo, then resign yourself to a career as a clown or a mime. That way your portrait to bad judgment that's dripping red from your eye into a creepy heart on your jawline will be covered while on the employer's clock.

If you can't stop yourself from getting a tattoo on your head, at the very least get a neck tattoo that you can cover with a turtleneck or cascading locks of hair, so you can still get a job. The bottom line - work, life and family are tough enough without the added self-inflicted damage from an absurd face tattoo.

Question: What's the worst tattoo you've ever seen?

No comments:

Post a Comment