The Daily ReTORt

My photo
I'm no longer posting here. Visit my new blog -> WWW.THEDAILYRETORT.COM

Thursday, October 27, 2011

10 Things My Wife Has NEVER Said to Me....

My wife and I are very much in love, even after 16+ years of marriage. However, it has taken a lot of work and compromise from both of us - recognizing the likes and dislikes of the other and not "pushing each other's buttons." One hot button in particular that she loathes for me to push, is writing about her on this blog.

So today, I've decided to "not" write about her - sort of. Here are 10 Things My Wife Has NEVER Said to Me:

10. Honey that is so fantastic that you forgot my birthday, anniversary and Mother's Day - you've pulled off the marital trifecta, great job!

9. You know, it's such a beautiful fall day outside - why don't you stay inside on the couch and watch football all day!

8. Sweetie you are so handy around this house, it's like living with Bob Villa!

7. Thanks for leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the night, that bidet experience was so refreshing!

6. Muffin, that novelty mounted jack-a-lope head you had in college would look great in the formal dining room!

5. I really wish you had a constant, two-day growth of facial hair. It's just like kissing a P40 grit sheet of sandpaper, which is the perfect skin exfoliate - I love the dermal abrasion of it all!

4. It's so adorable how you leave one swig of milk in the jug, forcing the girls to pour orange juice on their Cheerios - again. Too cute!

3. Your melodious snoring is like cherubic lullabies that gently lead me into the most restful slumber each and every single night - thank you!

2. Tor, I love, love, love the meadowy, lavender-esque fragrance that rushes from your mouth first thing each and every single morning - thank you!

1. Honey bun, I'm fed up with the oppressive fashionista women's footwear regime. In protest, I'm going to give away my 40+ pairs of foot coverings and never buy another pair again!

Question: What's something your significant other has never said to you?

No comments:

Post a Comment