The Daily ReTORt

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Friday, May 20, 2011

One Wedding and a Funeral…Today

Today is a bit surreal. My wife and I are “celebrating” our 16th wedding anniversary today, but we’re also attending a graveside burial for her grandmother – Trudy Smith – later this morning.

The juxtapositions are odd to say the least. I’m thrilled to still be married to the same wonderful woman, who is still just as double-t hott as the day we exchanged vows, yet that elation is quite muted by the obvious loss.

Last year for our 15th anniversary, I was able to secure a reservation for us at VOLT restaurant outside of Washington D.C., which is owned by Bryan Voltaggio – he was a finalist on season six of the hit cable show Top Chef.

We had a truly memorable meal and were able to get our photo taken with the chef – you can check out the blog I wrote about that day by clicking the link The Greatest Meal of My Life

Conversely, Kim and I will graze today among a collection of relish trays and compassionate cassaroles made by sympathetic loved ones at an after-burial gathering at her parent’s rambler.

Ironically, one of the odd similarities between our wedding day and this funeral day, is that we will be fortunate to be surrounded by caring friends and family. While that’s a good thing, the vastly different context casts a pall over the gathering – literally.

Perhaps, the most noticeable difference between our wedding and Trudy’s funeral will be the fact that no one will be dancing today – nor should there be dancing by a grave since it’s a supreme insult that implies you’re glad at the passing of the deceased.

And that’s not the case for Trudy. She was beloved and is missed.

But as I type this I’m simultaneously struck by an enduring memory that Kim and I share of our wedding day.  That is of Trudy and her husband Ray (he predeceased her several years ago) dancing the night away at our reception. I recall that they barely stopped long enough for us to cut the cake, before they beat feet back to the dance floor demanding more music and rug cutting. Whether it was a waltz, foxtrot, jitterbug or rumba they didn’t miss a chance to share a dance – and we know they’re dancing together again today.

I guess I was wrong about there not being any dancing….


  1. Very thoughtful commentary for such a day. So eloquent and endearing. Send my regards to Kim. May the lovely memories of the reception dancing 16 years ago somehow lifts the spirits of those who must say their goodbyes this side of heaven. Happy anniversary Tor and Kim.

  2. Thanks so Christie for taking the time to read the blog and post such a kind comment - it's greatly appreciated! Thanks for the anniversary wishes as well!