The Daily ReTORt

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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

How to Help Pre-Doom Your Marriage….

Depending on what statistic you use either 1-out-of-2 (50%) or 2-out-of-3 (66%) of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce – either way the institution of marriage is eroding.

While marriage might not be for everyone, here’s something to consider if you’re considering taking the plunge - you might want to consider NOT have sex with your spouse-to-be.

Findings from a recent study suggest that speeding too quickly into the physical aspects of a relationship early on can result in a crashing marriage later on. The full story can be viewed at the link below…

The rationale as to why early sex seems to be problematic in the long term is as follows:

The study, done at Brigham Young University in Utah, found that married couples who had delayed sex while they were dating were more likely to communicate, enjoy sex and see their marriage as stable than those who had sex early on. They also were generally more satisfied with their marriages.

Why would rushing into intimacy impede marital happiness? According to study co-author Dean M. Busby, people who quickly become intimate may end up marrying even if they're incompatible because they become "entangled" in a relationship that becomes difficult to end.

While there are a myriad of reasons why marriages end, this one factor is interesting because it’s something that serious singles who are looking for a soul mate can control and should keep in mind.
Prudish or not, patience in this particular regard seems to truly be a virtue.
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  1. Do you take issue with the fact that the study was done by BYU in a largely Mormon community? Not to negate the results, I would just add that there may be other factors that play into the end result of stronger marriages such as family values, sense of community, strong religious attachment etc. I do believe that the physical aspect is definitely a major contributing factor, however, other factors are as equally important.
    K. LaWall

  2. @K.LaWall, good points! I completely agree that there are a variety of factors that impact the "relationship inertia" cited by the research. However, it should be noted that even though BYU funded the study - the results were published in a peer-reviewed publication (Journal of Family Psychology) which suggests a certain-level of rigor in the study design. Simply meaning, that the 2,035 participants were a representative sample of the U.S. at large and not merely the Mormon community. Regardless, I do agree with you about the importance that values, community and religious affiliation play in this discussion. Thanks for taking the time to post such an engaging comment!!!

  3. I have so many thoughts on this article, it is hard to put in to words. I would like to say that overall, I agree with what you have posted here. I will also premise my next statement with the fact that I do personally believe sex prior to marriage is wrong. Now, if I had what I now would consider lapse in judgment, or even a mistake at the timing by having sex prior to marriage, does this mean that my marriage is condemned? No, see I don't think so. I think that (thankfully) God is a God of forgiveness, and any situation can be turned around and be made good. I can surrender my marriage to Him, and trust that (even thought I might have had those lapses in judgment at the time) that He will salvage the parts that need help. I'm really just thinking out loud - as I have been pondering IF I should even reply at all, and what thoughts to put into words! So, sorry for rambling, but thanks for listening - and hopefully seeing what I am getting at.

  4. @Laura, thanks for taking the time comment on this post with such an important point that I failed to make within the blog body. I completely agree with you that God can redeem all things - well said!